It is legit 2am.
I have a lot to say, but I’m not gonna lie… I’m tired…slightly buzzed…and extremely full on the Thai leftovers I had from yesterday’s lunch.
I’ll say this though…
Today was a good day. A really, really good day.
I got to sing background vocals alongside 2 complete, MONSTER vocalists, whom I admire to the utmost degree…Vickie Carrico and Scat Springs. The artist, Brandon Calhoon, is a friend of mine from here in Nashville but is actually a fellow Detroit rocker. The album is being produced by my producer, Jim “Moose” Brown. So overall, it truly was a dream.
A dream, and yet, initially, very intimidating. Vickie and Scat are the definition of “pro”…their range, their ability the find parts, their ability to always stay on pitch, their ability to create parts that you don’t even know are there… it’s incredible. I should know…they sang backgrounds on my entire album.
The fact that I was called to sing WITH them was daunting. It’s crazy how we doubt our abilities sometimes. Like, maybe we’re not as good as we think we are. I know I’ve done it to myself plenty of times over the years. It’s good for us though. The difference is though, now, I can push through the insecurity and just sing/say/write exactly what comes into my brain and people trust it and follow my lead. It’s a crazy concept but it’s seeming to work. Today was magical.
I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve gotten at this point/age/stage in life. I’m thankful that people believe in me. I’m thankful that I’m FINALLY back to a place where I’m believing and trusting in myself again. Because there was a long stretch of time where I didn’t. And it was miserable. And I was stagnate because of it. But I’m good. I’m better than good. I own my shit and I shouldn’t apologize or speak meekly about it. No one is ever gonna fight for me like me.
No one is ever gonna fight for you like you.
This week in Nashville has been exhausting on a lot of levels. Emotionally, I feel drained from giving friends advice and worrying about things that really don’t have anything to do with me. But I want them to be happy. So I carry their burdens, regardless if they asked me to or not. Physically, I’ve been singing my ass off a large majority of the time, and afterwards, engaging in social life talks/wine-vodka consumption til late hours. So I’m definitely tired.
But overall, I’m just so, so thankful. Honestly.
I’m thankful that I get these calls to make music. I’m thankful that people want to write songs with me. I’m thankful that I don’t have to deal with the dating bullshit/lower any standards/the excuses/the douchebaggery anymore. I’m thankful that tomorrow morning, I get to load up my car and drive 8 hours north and obsess over my brand new baby niece, and my other sister’s big pregnant belly that’s due in 2 weeks, my beautiful Granny, my boyfriend who is greater than any words will express, and my dogs that hopefully have missed me all week.
For the first time ever, I can sit on a pull out couch, with “Dateline” playing in the background, and my left-over container stinking up the room and say… “Hey, this life is pretty fucking grand.” And isn’t that the dream…? It might not look the same to everybody, but if you’ve got it, hold it…build from it. It won’t fail you if you don’t let it go.